Live Life, Be Full.
If I were to ask you, “What would living your most fulfilling life look like to you?” what would your answer be?
I was writing in my journal about how a lot of good can come from bad, but then I went on a tangent. I stopped myself and decided to write it here instead, as I want to be more consistent with my blogging (I forgot my login details for a while, but we are so back now).
The tangent began when I decided to go through my YouTube subscriptions. I’ve had the same account since I was fourteen, so the list was long. I came across a YouTuber I used to watch religiously in my formative years—she pretty much shaped my personality from ages fifteen to seventeen—but I hadn’t kept up with her content much since then. I clicked on a recent video where she was moving into her new place. She’s twenty-seven now, whereas I’m twenty-two, nearing twenty-three, and the video was an update on her life. I’ve always found her content to be very real and authentic.
As I watched, I felt oddly comforted by the fact that I’m getting older. And that getting older hasn’t been a cure for life’s hardships or stresses—they just take on different forms. Once upon a time, I would stress because I couldn’t get my winged eyeliner right and my hair was too frizzy, even after straightening it. Back then, those worries felt completely valid (the hair part still is, but I realised many moons ago that winged eyeliner doesn’t suit my eye shape). The important thing is that the things that feel monumental now won’t feel so monumental in a few years, and the cycle will keep repeating itself.
But one thing I’ve always feared is that I’m not living my life to the “fullest.” That I’m falling behind my cohort, not where I’m “supposed” to be. This fear has been with me for as long as I can remember. The constant comparisons are a killer. I couldn’t relate to the song Literally My Life because my life was, in fact, not messy buns and Christmas lights—and now, in my early twenties, it’s not hot-girl Euro summers, festivals, or spontaneous getaways either (running marathons is on the to-do list, though).
I know I’m not alone in this. So many people feel like they’re not “living life to the fullest,” like they’re not keeping up. And I’m sure there’s a conversation to be had about classism and capitalism in there somewhere, but it’s 9 p.m., and I don’t have the time to work that in in a nuanced way.
It does feel like, to “live life to the fullest,” the minimum requirement is to spend money. Then you have to stay busy. Be productive—but not too productive, or you’ll burn out and work your life away. But if you’re not working, you’re not earning, and if you’re not earning, you’re not saving, which means you’re falling behind.
It’s endlessly overwhelming.
In other words, “To run fast, you have to run slow” (I told you, the marathon’s on the to-do list). But you can’t walk, because walking isn’t running. And if you stop entirely? That’s a whole other thing. You’re a quitter. A loser. You lack dedication. At least, that’s what some Instagram crypto-podcast bro would say… probably.
(Side note: Running slow to run fast is actually a very beneficial strategy, but for the sake of argument, it felt right to include it here.)
I don’t know. Over the last year or so, as I’ve navigated early adulthood, it’s dawned on me that living life to the fullest is completely subjective. The key word being your.
If I were to ask you, “What would living your most fulfilling life look like to you?” what would your answer be?
Think about it. Because I truly believe it will depend on so many things—your background, culture, social status, financial situation, physical and mental health, and countless other factors.
But regardless of those, I believe living your life is about taking risks. Breaking old habits. Creating new ones. Learning. Loving. Walking away from people and places that no longer serve you.
For me, it’s taken a while to reach this conclusion, but I do believe I’m living my life to the fullest. Maybe it doesn’t look that way to an outsider—or even to my close friends—but I’m at peace with where I am right now.
I feel full when I’m surrounded by friends and family who respect and understand each other. You’re only as good as the people around you, so surround yourself with those who have a lust for life. People who still dream. People who are kind, loving, and supportive.
I feel full when I actively work towards a future that my past and present selves will thank me for. This means kicking bad habits, being financially responsible, and striving to better myself—even if it’s only a fraction of what I managed the day before. It means living within my means.
I feel full when I remain grateful for what I have—past, present, and future.
I’m a firm believer that you can have everything you want in life—but not all at once and not all right now. Whatever “full” looks like for you, you can attain it. But what you want from life will shift and grow as you do. If you approach life with the mindset that you already have everything you need, you’ll never feel like you’re sacrificing some alternate life you could be living.
